Ceremony for Evan Futcher
Welcome and introduction
Welcome to you all on this autumn afternoon. My name is Pam Bailey and it is my privilege to be leading this ceremony as we gather here today to remember, and celebrate the life of Evan Futcher.
Thank you all for being here today, the memory of those who stood by Evan in his hour of need will help in some way to cushion the shock and the grief that Evan’s family are experiencing at this time.
During the ceremony there will be music that Evan enjoyed; we shall hear some of the milestones of his life, there will be a time of reflection and an opportunity for family, and anyone else who wishes to come forward and say a few words, perhaps to share a memory or a sense of what he meant to you, finally we will say our farewells.
At the completion of this service you are all warmly invited to make your way to Ev’s Bar, the special place where so many of you enjoyed Ev’s company and where he enjoyed having the occasional beer
One of the most important values in our lives is our relationships. On Wednesday the 22nd of April the Futcher family lost a valued family member – Evan was a dearly loved father and father-in-law, very much loved grandad, loved brother and brother-in-law. He was much loved and respected by all his family, his extended family and his many friends - he touched the lives of so many people during his lifetime. Sadly Evan is predeceased by his parents – Noel, known as Futch, his mother Betty and his brothers Garry and Noel.
Evan passed away in his 62nd year, and there are very few words of comfort, that can cushion the shock experienced, when one is faced with the death of someone, who should have had many more years to enjoy. Nothing can ever prepare us that we will never again have the opportunity to look again upon his face or have a conversation with him.
We grieve most for the passing of the young. If the old depart we recognise a natural change, as when the sunset dissolves naturally into the dusk. But the death of someone younger affects us as if the morning were suddenly overcast like clouds that block the sun.
The event of death has a way of uniting us in a way that perhaps no other human experience does. It reminds us of the fragility of our relationships; it also reminds us of the special and unique way in which we relate to those special people who cross our paths in life. And so, Evan’s death, for a time, demands that each of us put aside our daily chores to unite ourselves with everyone present here today – fellow mourners who share a common bond of love, care and respect for Evan.
The following reading is an analogy of the passing of someone gone before their time and speaks to us of the significance of ones life even though it was short in the larger scheme of things – it’s called “The biography”
Do not judge a biography by its length
Nor by the number of pages in it
Judge it by the richness of its contents
Sometimes those unfinished are among the most poignant…
Do not judge a song by its duration
Nor by the number of its notes
Judge it by the way it touches and lifts the soul
Sometimes those unfinished are among the most beautiful…
And when something has enriched your life
And when its melody lingers on within your heart
Is it unfinished?
Or is it endless?
Evan’s life story
Today is our day to reflect back over Evan’s life story and to bring to mind those places where his life met ours.
The early years – as told by Jenny
The later years
Evan was married in his younger years and a special gift from this relationship was his daughter Trina.
After his marriage ended, Evan moved back home to live and Trina moved to the South Island with her mum. Trina would spend most school holidays and whenever possible with her dad, Evan. Trina has many, many fond memories of fun times at Kowhai Park in Wanganui, wonderful days at the beach with Nana, cousins, Aunts and Uncles and icecreams enjoyed with her dad.
He always made sure he was there for Trina, attending her 18th and 21st birthdays in Blenheim, if she needed help with anything, if she just wanted to talk or needed time out he was there, he never let her down. Trina and her dad had a close relationship, sharing many common interests, music, sport, socialising and a very sweet tooth.
They spoke almost every day, on the phone, via text and whenever possible visiting each other. They shared a very special bond and although neither is much of a talker, they thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company.
Evan was so excited to become a granddad and he just lit up the first time he held his tiny grandson Zac Evan, and the sparkle in his eye grew when his granddaughter Emelia arrived 2 years later. Evan visited his grandchildren often, and spent many hours engrossed in play, totally focused on Zac and Emmy and the games they were playing. Zac and Emmy adored their granddad, always excited to see him. He never missed any of their birthdays but they will miss him dearly.
Evan moved to Carterton around 22 years ago and initially maintained his work as an electrician then seeking change in his life he became a barman at the Marquis Hotel for a large number of years.
During this time he belonged to various social clubs and played inter-house pool and darts on a social level. As his friend Skip told me, anytime you were in the company of Evan there was always laughter and good times had. I also read on his tributes page that he was never heard to say a word in anger – he had a unique personality and everyone liked him.
Eventually he went to work at Ev’s Bar – which incidentally I have only just learned was actually named for Evan, so ever after he will be remembered – the monument to his life will be every man’s dream, a pub with his name on it.
Evan lived in a small flat at the back of the bar and really his job as manager soon became more that of a social member of the Ev’s Bar family.
Over the years he has always enjoyed betting on horses, he even had shares in a couple of race horses, such was his passion for the sport. He also loved most sports and as we have already heard from Jenny he was a pretty mean rugby player in his time. In fact Trina told me he just missed out on the possibility of becoming an All Black – he missed the trials because he went out celebrating the night before and hung one too many to be fit enough to play the next day!
There have been fishing trips out Ngawi with his mates Skip and Gary, the occasional Sunday golf at Eketahuna and cricket games with members of the Parkvale Mushroom Factory cricket team.
Evan was a man who loved a laugh, he was dry witted and had a good sense of humour, he was quite a private person but on a social level he was always open and helpful. At the end he was in the company of close friends who never left his side. Nothing will now seem the same, whilst you will all still be together you will also feel the empty space where Evan once stood, but I guess at this point Evan would really want me to lighten things up and shortly I will invite you to share some of your memories with us. Before I do I would like to read a poem for Evan called “Thoughts for today”…
Reading - “Thoughts for today”
Don’t truss me up in a dinner suit
(‘cos ties restrict my breath)
And keep my old face natural
Don’t tart me up in death
Avoid the classical music please
Some of The Doors or even Janice Joplin would be nice
And let there be no word at all
From Helen Steiner Rice
No euphemisms needed here
I’ve died – it’s plain and straight
I’m not asleep or passed away
I’m past my use by date
And please don’t sit in gloomy rows
Afflicted with numb bums
But tell some tales at my expense
And laugh – if laughter comes
Just be yourselves – you are my friends
Who know me through and through
An honest record of my life
Is all I want from you
Then turn again to life dear ones
It’s brilliant and absurd
Remember me but carry on
And that’s my final word
Family tributes and others
There is much, much more to tell about Evan, and so I now invite you to take this opportunity to come forward and pay your own personal tribute to him, to share a story, and to say your own farewell to the loved one and friend you knew – we will start with Evan’s family members and then I would like to encourage Evan’s friends to tell us a tale or two.
Time of reflection – with photos
We leave the spoken word to one side as we take this time to bring our own personal memories of Evan to mind and to reflect on how much he meant to us as we watch photographic memories of his life.
Words of comfort – “A life well lived”
A life well lived is a precious gift of hope and strength and grace
From someone who has made our world a brighter, better place
It’s filled with moments, sweet and sad, with smiles and sometimes tears
With friendships formed and good times shared, and laughter through the years
A life well lived is a legacy of joy and pride and pleasure
A living, lasting memory our grateful hearts we’ll treasure.
Farewell
The personal biography of Evan Raymond Futcher has come to an end but he will never be forgotten – we will recall his wonderful personality, his dedication to and love of his precious family, and the many pleasures he got from life.
We give thanks in heart and mind for Evan – for all he gave and achieved in his life. We recall the good company that he was and all that gave his life meaning.
Evan Raymond Futcher
In grief at your death,
But in gratitude for your life,
And for the privilege of sharing it with you,
We now tenderly and reverently commit your body to the eternal flame, grateful for the life that has been lived, and for all that life has meant to us.
Cleansing flame to cleansing flame
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
You are still who you always were and the essence of your love lives on
For such a love never dies
The struggle is over and now you are at peace;
Rest in the hearts and minds of all you love.
Know that you will never be forgotten
The golfer’s prayer
In closing I would like to share with you “The Golfer’s Prayer” in honour of Evan’s love of the game…
O Lord, in the game of life you know that thought most of us are duffers
We all aspire to be champions with plenty of birdies and eagles.
Help us, we pray, to be grateful for the course
Including the fairways and the rough - thank You
You have made it possible for us to tee off.
Thank you for the thrill of a solid, soaring drive
The challenge of the dogleg, the trial of the trap
The discipline of the water hazard
The beauty of a cloudless sky and the exquisite misery of rain and cold
Thank you, Lord, our pro, who shows us how to get the right grip on life
To slow down our backswing, to correct our crazy hooks and slices,
To keep our head in humility and to follow through in self-control
May you teach us also to be good sports who will accept the roll of the green
The penalty for being out-of-bounds, the reality of lost balls,
The relevance of par, the danger of the 19th hole –
And the authority of our special rule book, the Bible.
Impress on us that the rules are for us too, that no one is exempt.
And, Lord, when the last putt has dropped into the cup,
The light of our last day has faded into the darkness of death
Though our trophies be few, our handicap still only a dream
May we be able to turn in to you, our tournament Director, at the clubhouse
An honest scorecard to show we did our best!
Recessional